Absurd Gallery
The Absurd Gallery presented a collection of weird--but real--advertisements, labels, and signs. For your own safety, please keep an ironic distance.
The content below is from the site's 1999-2001 archived pages.
"IT'S AN AWARD, A MAJOR AWARD!"
Bob Clark's film A Christmas Story
The Gallery of the Absurd is Happy to Have Been Written Up in the Following Newspapers and Magazines:
Internet Underground - May 1996
Boston Herald - October 27, 1996
The Web Magazine - October/November 1996 & January 1997
Los Angeles Times - December 17, 1996
Philadelphia Inquirer -
San Francisco Chronicle - March 7, 1997
San Jose Mercury News - March 19, 1997
San Jose Mercury News - March 23, 1997
Entertainment Weekly - June 6, 1997 (Received an "A")
The Cavalier Daily - October 8, 1997
P.O.V. Magazine - November 1997
And Delighted to Have Been Featured on the Following Television Shows:
The Discovery Channel's Cyberlife - August 14, 1996
WGN Morning News - June 10, 1997
And Proud to Have Received Two Webby Awards:
Winner of the 1997 Webby Award
DEREK'S WEB PAGE PROMISE
These little bits of popular culture will make you laugh, they'll make you cry, and maybe, just maybe, you'll learn a little bit about yourself.
Specialty Pages
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The Annoying J. Crew |
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The Arch Deluxe |
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Jenny McCarthy, |
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The Scary |
The Arch Deluxe Hate Page
What is going on here? I'm watching television, and I see Ronald McDonald in a series of "adult" situations (I'm sure the McD corporation could have taken this "adult" thing further). This is to announce a new food item geared toward a mature population. This is how the McDonald's FAQ site describes this new monstrosity: "A quarter pound of beef, with lettuce pieces, tomatoes, cheese, onions, ketchup, and special 'Chef' or 'Arch' sauce which seems to be a mix of dijon mustard and mayonaisse [sic]. Also available with peppered bacon, this new sandwich is served on a 'bakery fresh' potato flour roll."
Does this sound like just another hamburger to you? Is this another attempt at foisting something akin to the imbicility of the "McDLT" on everyone? And just what is "Chef" sauce anyway? And why does the FAQ place "bakery fresh" in quotations? Does this satanic product announce the beginning of a new fascist (or Republican) regime?
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Letters of insight and McDonald experiences that are guaranteed to both frighten and amuse. |
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YES, believe it or not, poems on the Arch Deluxe inspired by this site. |
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Fun letters from present McD's employees and Arch Deluxe zealots. |
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McDonald items in the Gallery of the Absurd: McMemories, McDeath, MacMan, McBaby, Speedee, My Own McDoll, Eric's First Fries. |
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When it comes right down to it, the McDonald's site is scary in and of itself. |
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The circle is complete.......... |
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McSpotlight, a couple's attempt to highlight the evils of McDonalds. Very eye-opening. |
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This has got to be one of the most disturbing things the McD corporation has ever come up with. |
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Danny Mulligan's thoughts on "The Grimace Conspiracy." Check out also the threats he has received. |
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Fastfood Reality. Even though I don't totally agree with their anti-meat stance, this site nonetheless displays a healthy criticism of the phenomenon of fast food (and McDonald's specifically) |
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Other anti-McDonald items. |
I'm looking for ads, signs, images, and slogans that highlight the horror that is this new McDonald's product and could easy fit quite comfortably into the The Gallery of the Absurd. If you come across anything, then please email me at:
The J. Crew Annoying Model of the Week Page
"J. Crew women seem like bastard children of Martha Stewart and Iggy Pop. Pedigreed Junkies who shot smack in their dorm room at one of the Seven Sisters. The men look like goofy-ass frat boys from Sigma Delta Geekalon and are the type found murdered outside of "hip, slummy, dowtown nightspots" while purchasing crack to maintain their 8% bodyfat. They suck!"
- Ryan Mann
Welcome to the J. Crew Annoying Model of the Week page. If you're like me, you hate fashion models, those non-human pop cultural paint canvases with their well-chiseled emaciated looks. As role models for impressionable teens and adults, their existence probably causes more harm than does the most enthusiastic politicking of the Christian Coalition.
Perhaps some of the most annoying models, at least from what I've seen, populate the photo studios of J. Crew. I happen to be on J. Crew's mailing list, and from the abundance of catalogs I receive, I've noticed that their models strike the most ridiculous poses of any models in any other catalogs. Call it coincidence, call it profitable business, call it the rise of a new Nazi regime: all these people sport a look that genuinely frightens me. I could go on about how absurd they seem to me, but I'll let you take a look and decide for yourself. So here, for the first time anywhere, I bring to you a page devoted to the exposure of this mail-order malignancy, this catalog catastrophe, this feast of fashion fallacy. Whether you like the clothes or not, I hope you'll join me in mocking this bizarre bastion of semi-conscious conservativeness called
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Jenny McCarthy, Enough Is Enough | |
Not long ago I had the ill fortune of witnessing Jenny McCarthy in a television commercial for Candies shoes, where she is in an elevator and she farts out loud. At this point, I threw my hands up and screamed, "Jenny McCarthy, enough is enough!" After that, I knew that Jenny would have a permanent place in The Gallery of the Absurd.
And this is not her only foray into idiotic advertising. Getting her start as a Playboy centerfold, she "progresses" onto MTV, cultivating an extremely annoying persona as she goes, and as a result lands a number of advertising deals. So, in the irreverent nature of The Gallery of the Absurd, I hereby dedicate this portion of the site to that utterly vapid media and advertising phenomenon, Jenny McCarthy. Enjoy, won't you.
DISCLAIMER: I know, I know, as annoying as she is she's nonetheless a very attractive woman, and has a large (almost entirely male) following. But before any of you diehard Jenny fans start sending me hate mail, know that I'm only ridiculing her advertising potential and not her two-dimensional media personality. Please use whatever energies you would have spent typing a hate letter and apply them to something more constructive...such as "appreciating" the plentiful number of nude photos of Jenny easily found on the web. And BTW, that decorative pillow she's resting her head on in that ad where she's wearing almost nothing (we know you know the one), well that pillow is actually a round dog bed from Good Night Dog - go look it up, or click the link. What does it mean?
Clowns are indeed scary. And since a good portion of The Gallery of the Absurd is devoted to clown-related products, I thought I'd create a specialty page devoted to clowns in advertising. Please don't view these images while alone in a dark room.
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Clown Toilet Brush Holder |
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The Clowns Are Coming! |
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Dr. Doda, Clown Doctor |
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Clown Punching Bag |
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Circus O's |
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Toy Clown Transforms into Violator |
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Ronald McDonald and the Arch Deluxe Hate Page |
Underage Third World Laborers Welcome!
Click LARD for the artery-cloggin' icon version of the Gallery, or click LEMONS for the smooth, gentle relief of the non-icon version.
